Lying

JD and I are working on the concept of Truth these days.  For a very long time he has, with all the innocence of the very young, come out and told me exactly what he is up to whether it be good or bad.

“What are you two doing?”

“We buggin the cat Mama”

“Oh indeed.  Well knock it off.”

This is because, while being a very bright child, JD is not a particularly imaginative one.  He takes after the B.Sc. parent not the B.A.   However, it is finally beginning to dawn on him that lying can be quite useful.

“What are you two doing?”

“Nuffin”

“Oh indeed.  Well knock it off.”

Having had a dreadful urge to lie myself as a child I wish to protect my son…and myself from this problem.  My most epic lies are family legend now.  I believe I maintained for a full 24 hours (under intense cross examination using “enhanced interrogation” and in the face of irrefutable proof) that no I had NOT done such and such even though you actually were there and heard me and saw me.  So I am trying to teach JD that you will NEVER get in as much trouble for telling the truth about something unpleasant as you would get in for being caught in a lie.  So when he comes and says “Mama uuuuuummmm we makin a huge mess.”  I swallow the hot ball of rage and go clean up the mess while calmly explaining that he must not make a huge mess but thank you for coming and telling me.  On the other hand when he says “No Mama we are not making a huge mess” all the wrath of heaven and earth is visited upon him.  Unfortunately JD is now displaying some very advanced abilities to employ what we Catholics like to call Mental Reservation.  He has several new techniques:

The selective truth telling technique.

“Why is Gus crying?”

“He bonked his head.”

This worked quite well for awhile because I would go comfort the not fully verbal Fierce Bad and think all was right with the world.  But it seemed like Gus was “bonking his head” an awful lot.  Could he have some sort of inner ear problem?  Hmmmm

“Why is Gus crying?”

“He bonked his head.”

“How?”

“…”

“Did YOU bonk his head”

“Um yes.”

The positive spin technique

“What are you two up to?”

“We makin somefin spicy for Dad”

“Oh how sweet.  Did that really entail taking every item out of the fridge and pantry and arranging it on the kitchen table?”

(Actually given what the kitchen looks like when DAD makes something spicy for Dad this is a particularly clever spin the lad has chosen)

The straight-up avoidance technique

“What are you two doing?”

“Uhhh Mum can you please go away?”

If the Nazi’s ever come and ask us if we’re hiding Jews in the attic I know who I’m sending to the door.

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2 Comments

Filed under Motherhood, The Continuing Adventures of JD and The Fierce Bad Rabbit

2 responses to “Lying

  1. Branwen

    Cait, I love this! So funny and extra interesting to me since we are at the same stage as well. I’ll read anything you want to blog about 🙂

  2. My brother Thomas at one point started putting push tacks on all the chairs in the house, presumably because he thought it was funny when people sat on them. We knew he was doing it, but he wouldn’t admit to it. My mom tried the whole “it makes me sad when you lie to me” angle. He sincerely swore that it was not him. David, in a moment of brilliance, mused out loud to no one in particular “I don’t even know how you’d balance a tack on the chair… wouldn’t it just fall over?” Thomas leapt to attention, blurting out “no, it’s really easy! I’ll show you!” and ran out of the room to go fetch a tack. Upon returning, he gave a demonstration of his tack balancing skills.

    The moral of the story is that sometimes you need to appeal to pride. This is how many computer hackers and virus makers get caught… someone eggs them on, and they can’t help but brag.

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